Ironically, my mother has since told me that G was a high(er) needs baby.

I was shocked to hear my mother tell me this because I thought he was so easy!  Gabriel hardly cried, but when I look back yes, he nursed around the clock and yes, he was held almost 24-7… but Matt and I had the expectation that babies wanted to be held and nursed all the time.  Also, we had pretty low expectations as far as how much sleep we were going to get, and how much individual free time we would have.  We just were prepared to do whatever, whenever and put our “normal lives” on hold.

I’ll admit it, I did read Baby Wise … and I also read Happiest Baby on the Block.  I was curious as to what the other mamas were reading and wanted to see if I could get any ideas.  Surprisingly, I read some good information about breastfeeding in Baby Wise (however, I wouldn’t recommend the book), and Happiest Baby on the Block taught me a lot about comforting a baby, however, I trashed the scheduling crap out the window.

I am convinced that our baby moon was so lovely and that I have a positive memory of G’s temperament because I had no expectations.  I didn’t expect G to only nurse a certain number of times.  In fact, I knew that if I let him nurse on demand my milk supply would increase.  I didn’t expect him to be happy if we put him to sleep in his room by himself but had him in our room instead.  In fact, there were many nights that we (safely) co-slept which made everybody happier and sleep better.  There was nothing to keep track of, our stress was low(er) and our baby was a very happy baby.  Because we had no expectations the only place we could go was up!

My desire is to see more moms simplify their postpartum experience by lowering their expectations and broadening their perceptions of normal.  Seriously, my kiddo never had a reliable schedule until he was 7 months old or so.  G’s needs were being met, I was happier, and by golly my husband was happier too.  By letting go of the expectations that our babies need to nap a certain number of times and hours each day AND sleep through the night (whatever) we will have happier babies and in turn we will be happier mamas.  We all want to feel peace and by letting go and going with the flow we will allow peace to flow into our lives (or at least more peace than if you were trying to put your newborn baby on a schedule).

Keepin it real,

I’ve noticed that as soon as I get pregnant I start weaving this elaborate and beautiful mental tapestry by intertwining my life with the pregnancy.  When I calculated my estimated due date I thought about what time of year that would be, if it would be hot or cold.  For my last two pregnancies I thought how interesting it would be to be pregnant and bundled up because it is cold outside.  ”Nobody would get to see my awesome baby bump!”, I thought to myself.  I thought of how fun it would be to be able to dress my baby in clothes because she’ll actually need them (when G was born it was blazing hot and he spent a lot of time in just a diaper)!   I mentally located my wraps and slings because it would finally be cool enough to use them postpartum.  I decided I was having a girl. I found out who would be pregnant at the same time as me and thought how nice it was to have a “buddy” to celebrate each stage with, and bemoan our nausea and aches together.  More so, our kids would be the same age and of course, they’d love to play together too.

I started calculating when I’d be out of each particular trimester, and at what point in the process I would likely stop wanting to barf.  I found myself shopping the maternity clothes clearance rack because the clothes on that rack would be in season when I actually needed them.  I organized my maternity clothes and removed the seasonal stuff that I wouldn’t wear for a year or two.  I thought about how long I would want to continue to work, and how long my maternity leave would be.  I started to tell G that he’ll have a brother or a sister, and we talked about names.

Then, the unthinkable happened.  My baby died and I realized that my new job would be to untangle all of the threads I had woven into my life.  Some threads were easy to untangle – it was easy to stop thinking about what baby things I already had or needed.  I threw away the calendar I wrote pregnancy milestones on, and mentally saved my girl names for the future.  However, some threads have been very tangled and even when I thought they’ve come loose, I was surprised to learn that I hadn’t fully unraveled my tapestry.  It was emotionally difficult to pull out my “skinny” winter clothes, knowing that this winter I would not need jeans with a belly panel.  The day I saw my pregnancy buddy’s beautiful baby belly as she neared her due month I was slapped with another round of mourning.  I wept and thought to myself, “I should have been pregnant with her!”  I was relieved when I couldn’t attend her baby shower because I had to work.

Ironically, working with women and their babies in the childbearing year has not been difficult to me post-miscarriage.  I have even attended births when I was still bleeding from my miscarriages.  And now, I realize that’s because I didn’t intertwine them in my tapestry.  They are my work, and I have woven them into a different tapestry altogether.  They are my work, my passion and what motivates me to dig deeper as a mentor and doula, but they are not woven in the tapestry that sits close to my heart.

Going forward, I wonder if there is a way for me to prevent this heartache if God forbid, I endure another miscarriage.  Can I protect my heart?  Can I minimize damage by simply weaving a smaller tapestry?  Or to postpone weaving altogether?  I have thought about this, and I have come to the conclusion that I cannot.  By weaving my heart’s tapestry I put my heart and my soul out to love.  I leave it vulnerable, but ready to love and to be hurt.  It is risky and scary to love, but love I must.  I was made to love and be loved and to protect myself would limit the profound love God has for me.  By protecting myself, my tapestry might become hard, unpliable and rough.

Despite the pain of last year, I have chosen to continue weaving a beautiful tapestry, loving throughout, as best as I can.

Love,

I decided to make some elderberry syrup for my family to have on hand at the first sign of sniffles and as an overall immune booster.  I’m not big on pharmaceuticals, but when your little one is sick it’s so frustrating that there’s technically nothing you could give them except Tylenol.  As we all know, Tylenol does not help with sniffles.    My 2.5 year old has a cold right now, and it’s nice to be able to do something.  Below are the step by step instructions so you can do it too!

Elderberry Syrup

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup dried or 1 cup fresh elderberries (Locals: I bought my dried elderberries at New Leaf Market)
• 3 cups of water
• 1/2 cup honey

Step 1:  Pour elderberries and water in to a pot of water.  Bring to a boil.

Step 2:  Reduce heat to medium or medium low so that the berries are no longer boiling but simmering.  Keep on the stove for about an hour.  Notice how the water is evaporating – that’s what you want to have happen!  While the berries are simmering, stir occasionally and with a spoon mash berries on the side of the pot so that it gets really mixed up.

Step 3:  Carefully pour the liquid through a strainer into a glass jar.  Mash the strained berries to get all the liquid out and down into the jar.

Step 4:  Slowly pour the honey into the jar.  Since the berry liquid is hot the honey should mix easily.

Store the syrup in the refrigerator up to three months. Use daily for maximum benefit.  For Daily Maintenance: Adults: Take 2 teaspoons daily, Children: Take 1 teaspoon daily. For Intensive Use: Adults: Take 1 tablespoon four times daily, Children: Take 1 tablespoon two times daily.

I was either on pinterest or google image search last week and I saw this simple method of making a garden.  No tilling required!  All you do is get some cardboard, line the edges with stones to hold it down and then put dirt on top.  The cardboard is biodegradable so eventually it will decompose.  When I do want to plant deeper all I need to do is cut a hole in the cardboard below… and there will be no grass to get rid of since that’s what the cardboard is doing for me.   G and I had a fun time doing this project.  He was helping me shovel with his spoon.  What a cutie pie.

*Other than halting the ripening process and thus making your vegetables last a long time, blanching seals the color, nutrients and flavor of vegetables.

You will need:

• Cutting board and knife
• Broccoli
• Large pot to boil water in (the pot I used was excessively big for what I was doing)
• Slotted spoon
• Bowl of ice water
• Cooling racks and cookie sheets
• Kitchen towels
• Freezer bags and straw

Cut the stalks off of broccoli.  Split larger bunches or remaining broccoli so that they are no larger than an inch and a half (or so… don’t obsess about this).

In small batches, drop broccoli in boiling water.  Cover and let broccoli boil in the water for four minutes.  Quickly remove broccoli and immediately cool it off by submerging it in ice water.  (At minute three I started taking the broccoli out with my slotted spoon because by the time I got all the broccoli out it was well past four minutes)

Remove broccoli from ice water and place on cooling racks.  I like using cooling racks so that the broccoli “dries off” while the water drips off below.  I put towels underneath the racks to absorb the water so that my counters didn’t get soaked.

TO FLASH FREEZE: Place the broccoli on a cookie sheet or the cooling racks.  Spread out the broccoli so that when it freezes it won’t be stuck to too other broccoli. Place the racks and sheets in the freezer lying flat.  Leave them in the freezer for about 30-60 minutes – long enough to get frozen but not rock solid.

Remove broccoli from cookie sheets/cooling racks and package in Ziploc freezer bags.  Remove all the air in the bag by using a straw.

Proudly place your broccoli in the freezer and take a picture.