Birth is by invitation only.

In order to attend a birth, one needs to receive an invitation from the mother-to-be, rsvp as a yes, and then get their name on the guest list.

This is the only way to attend. Period.

Do Not Assume You Are Invited.

If you come uninvited, or if you’re not on the guest list, daddy gatekeeper and/or doula birthbouncer will respectfully ask you to leave.

Birth needs to be uninterrupted, safe, calm, and have loving, nurturing people in attendance. These people need to wholeheartedly believe in mama’s ability to cope with labor and birth her baby.

Dads, doulas, and other birth companions should create a bubble of love, safety, respect, and just hold the space while mama labors.

Be Her Voice

If she starts panicking because of the intense pain, her birth companions need to be her advocates and remind her of her strength and ability (NOT freak out and try to find her drugs).

If she is working on a contraction and a well-meaning individual starts asking her questions, birth companions need to run interference and politely ask for a minute so she can finish that contraction.

A negative person in the room can completely ruin the good birthin’ vibes and cause mama to feel anxious, conscientious, angry, or even fearful. Dads and doulas should be mindful and if possible, remedy the situation.

Observers and Onlookers Should Not Attend

Also, whoever is in attendance needs to have a purpose. Birth guests should be holding the space, speaking words of encouragement, or assisting in SOME way.

To have someone observe a mother giving birth is unnerving at the least and can stall labor at the most. Refill drinks, massage tired muscles or press play on the IPOD.

Create a Birthing Plan

This issue is a big, fat, messy issue I deal with a lot as a doula. Many mothers are very anxious about telling “so and so” that they cannot attend the upcoming birth.

I suggest talking with your partner {during pregnancy} and creating a birthing plan to help figure out whose presence will help you get your baby out. Have a conversation with those on and off the list ahead of time.

As a doula, sometimes it helps as a reminder that this might be the first time stepping out as “mommy” and sticking up for baby’s welfare.

It Takes Courage

It takes courage to set/enforce boundaries, and courage to give birth.

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” ~C.S. Lewis

MyHow did you handle this issue at your birth? Care to share? I’d love to hear your story.

Love,

Lindsey

PS ~ Feel free to forward this on to your mother, mother-in-law, sister, cousin, friend and aunt.