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How to Cope with Miscarriage Now

When I became pregnant in March of 2011, I started spotting a week or so after I got a positive pregnancy test. Since I was bleeding, I knew that a miscarriage was more likely and because of that, I tried to not get my hopes up. When a miscarriage was confirmed, it was really tough, but not completely devastating since I had seen the writing on the wall. I didn’t feel the urge to cope with miscarriage this first time.

When I became pregnant again in July of 2011, I didn’t start spotting and I assumed that since I just had a miscarriage for sure this pregnancy would be ok.

It wasn’t ok.

Around 8-9 weeks along I was shocked to find out that the baby had died in the 7th week or so. Shocked doesn’t really describe it… more like devastated, sorrowful, depressed, angry and sad.

I oh so wanted those babies.

After experiencing miscarriages, I've learned a few things about coping through the loss. Here are my best tips on how to cope with miscarriage.

The Tapestry of a Woman’s Heart

One thing I’ve noticed is that as soon as I get pregnant I start weaving this elaborate and beautiful mental tapestry by intertwining my life with the pregnancy.

When I calculated my estimated due date I thought about what time of year that would be, if it would be hot or cold. For my last two pregnancies I thought how interesting it would be to be pregnant and bundled up because it is cold outside. “Nobody would get to see my awesome baby bump!”, I thought to myself.

I thought of how fun it would be to be able to dress my baby in clothes because she’ll actually need them (when my son was born it was blazing hot and he spent a lot of time in just a diaper)!

I mentally located my wraps and slings because it would finally be cool enough to use them postpartum.

I decided I was having a girl.

I found out who would be pregnant at the same time as me and thought how nice it was to have a “buddy” to celebrate each stage with, and bemoan our nausea and aches together. More so, our kids would be the same age and of course, they’d love to play together too.

I started calculating when I’d be out of each particular trimester, and at what point in the process I would likely stop wanting to barf.

I found myself shopping the maternity clothes clearance rack because the clothes on that rack would be in season when I actually needed them. I organized my maternity clothes and removed the seasonal stuff that I wouldn’t wear for a year or two.

I thought about how long I would want to continue to work, and how long my maternity leave would be. I told my son that he’ll have a brother or a sister, and we talked about names.

After experiencing miscarriages, I've learned a few things about coping through the loss. Here are my best tips on how to cope with miscarriage.

A Miscarriage

Then, the unthinkable happened. My baby died and I realized that my new job would be to untangle all of the threads I had woven into my life.

Some threads were easy to untangle – it was easy to stop thinking about what baby things I already had or needed. I threw away the calendar I wrote pregnancy milestones on, and mentally saved my girl names for the future.

However, some threads have been very tangled and even when I thought they’ve come loose, I was surprised to learn that I hadn’t fully unraveled my tapestry.

It was emotionally difficult to pull out my “skinny” winter clothes, knowing that this winter I would not need jeans with a belly panel.

The day I saw my pregnancy buddy’s beautiful baby belly as she neared her due month I was slapped with another round of mourning. I wept and thought to myself, “I should have been pregnant with her!” I was relieved when I couldn’t attend her baby shower because I had to work.

A Different Weave

Ironically, working with women and their babies in the childbearing year has not been difficult to me post-miscarriage. I have even attended births when I was still bleeding from my miscarriages.

And now, I realize that’s because I didn’t intertwine them in my tapestry. They are my work, and I have woven them into a different tapestry altogether. They are my work, my passion and what motivates me to dig deeper as a mentor and doula, but they are not woven in the tapestry that sits close to my heart.


Going forward, I wonder if there is a way for me to prevent this heartache if God forbid, I endure another miscarriage. Can I protect my heart? Can I minimize damage by simply weaving a smaller tapestry? Or to postpone weaving altogether?

I have thought about this, and I have come to the conclusion that I cannot. By weaving my heart’s tapestry I put my heart and my soul out to love. I leave it vulnerable, but ready to love and to be hurt.

It is risky and scary to love, but love I must. I was made to love and be loved and to protect myself would limit the profound love God has for me. By protecting myself, my tapestry might become hard, unpliable and rough.

Despite the pain of last year, I have chosen to continue weaving a beautiful tapestry, loving throughout, as best as I can.

coping with a miscarriage

How to Cope with Miscarriage Now

After experiencing miscarriages, I’ve learned a few things about coping through the loss. Here are my best tips on how to cope with miscarriage.

  1. Take time to be alone and process. A miscarriage must be dealt with. It is a loss that needs to be acknowledged.
  2. Journal and write down your thoughts. Writing this blog post and sharing my story was incredibly healing for me.
  3. Try doodling, drawing or painting. Art can be a powerful healing tool.
  4. Go for walks in nature. Breathe deep and listen.
  5. Exercise. The endorphins and increased blood flow will help heal the body, make you stronger and allow you to feel really good.
  6. Pray often.
  7. Talk with other women about your miscarriage. You will be surprised at how many other women have been in your shoes. Do not isolate yourself.
  8. Consider making a memorial, or buying a small token like a necklace or a charm to remember your baby.
  9. Resist blame. Do not go down the toxic rabbit hole of blaming yourself, your partner, your family, your care provider, etc. It’s toxic and will poison your soul.
  10. Keep your heart open. Get rid of any anger, bitterness, jealousy and rage as it will ultimately poison instead of protect you.
  11. Remember that this sorrow is temporary and “joy comes in the morning”, and other scriptures for miscarriage. This pain will not always feel this intense. One day you will feel joy again. I promise… there is hope.
  12. Consider looking into the typical holistic postpartum mental health resources, because even though there’s not baby, you’re still experiencing a postpartum.

Other Ideas to Cope with Miscarriage

What about you? What other ideas do you have to cope with miscarriage? Leave a comment to share with the Mother Rising community.

Thank you!


Wednesday 16th of March 2016

Love you Lindsey. So special to go back and reread this.


Monday 15th of April 2013

exactly! i feel exhausted from thinking of "trying" and what every little thing might mean when i do get pregnant and what might go wrong. what if it's like last time? i feel terrified not only to try, but to celebrate or buy anything and "jinx" myself if/when I do get pregnant again.


Friday 24th of February 2012

This was a beautiful post. I found myself crying by the end, because i do the same things. I lost my beautiful blessing on my 22nd birthday, the very day i heard for the first and last time my baby's heartbeat. Thank you for sharing this, it touched my heart and reminded me i am not alone.

Heather Anne

Tuesday 21st of February 2012

Thank you for sharing. A friend linked your blog on Facebook and I decided to read (truly a God moment, since I don't normally). Those babies will always be a part of your life and, in my humble opinion, some of those threads shouldn't be untangled from your life. They are your children. But, at the same time, there are things that must be untangled so that you are not dwelling on it when you are with your friends. You writing was so beautiful and truly helped me to put words to the feelings that I have been having over this last year. I was pregnant 4 times in 2011 and still have no living children. I miscarried twice (both early, 5 and 7 weeks) and my son died at only 23 weeks gestation because of a cord accident. People seem to think that we should "get over" the loss and "move on." The only way that I have found, through a lot of prayer and wise counsel, to get through everything is to talk about it. Knowing that my son and my other babies are with Jesus and I will see them again is my greatest joy right now. I have untangled a lot of stuff, but I have also held on to some of those tangles, so that I will never forget the joy that I had or the love that we felt for those children. I am pregnant again, due about three days before I delivered my stillborn son. I had thought about whether I would get attached to this pregnancy. I came to the same conclusion that you did. If I didn't weave that tapestry again, didn't commit my heart, I would have felt like I was doing a disservice to this little one and to God. I am very attached to this little one. If God should choose to take him/her, I would be devastated, but I know that is the way that it has to be and I cherish it. I also cherish every minute that I have with this one, even though they aren't here yet! Thank you for your beautiful words. I pray that you get your heart's desire in the coming year and that you are able to untangle the necessary pieces of the tapestry and continue to new, wonderful threads throughout! Many blessings, Heather Anne

Lindsey Morrow

Tuesday 21st of February 2012

Thank you for sharing. You're right, we never completely untangle our tapestry... it just becomes part of our new one. I'll never forget what happened, or what might have been, or that my babies are in heaven now. ♥

Holly Buss

Tuesday 21st of February 2012

Lindsey, I'm so sorry that you felt the pain of miscarriage. I'm glad you haven't hardened your heart because yours is really beautiful. You're inspiring.