7 Mistakes First Time Moms Make Before and During Labor
The tone of this post may come across as a bit more negative and judgmental than my typical posts. But ladies, I have somethin' to say, so listen to me good. After watching mainstream childbirth videos (... think Baby Story) I have realized that there are some huge mistakes first time moms make before and during labor (even if they're planning for an epidural). 7 to be exact.
Honestly, I'm a little tired of hearing about how the medical model has failed women. Yes, it has... obviously. But today I’d like to shed light on a different perspective - that the medical model of birth is not entirely to blame. Medical professionals and their system of labor management is only part of the problem.
Throughout this blog post and in the end, I hope to encourage women to be an active participant in their pregnancies and births, to realize their strength and weaknesses, and look fear in the face. Ignorance and passivity gets us nowhere.
The following are 7 huge mistakes first time moms make before and during labor, even when planning for an epidural.
7 Mistakes First Time Moms Make Before and During Labor
I've broken up this post into two sections
1) the mistakes first time moms make before labor and
2) the mistakes first time moms make during labor.
Mistakes First Time Moms Make Before Labor
Doubt Ability to Cope Through Labor
One of the big mistakes first time moms make before labor is to doubt their ability to cope through normal labor sensations. Women may get the idea that they can't give birth without extensive help from medical professionals because...
- Mothers tell their daughters it’s too hard.
- Strangers at the grocery store say "get the epidural".
- Co-workers question their choices and share "bad" birth stories.
Our culture is uncomfortable with the normal sensations of natural childbirth, or anything that pushes us outside of our normal limits - our comfort zones. They hypnotically tell pregnant women, "Why make yourself suffer? Get the epidural."
Ladies, don't listen to this nonsense. You and your body are fearfully and wonderfully made. A woman's body was designed to give birth. You absolutely have the ability to give birth. I believe in you!
Fail to Learn Coping Mechanisms (Even If Planning for an Epidural)
Another big mistake a first time mom makes before labor is to fail to learn coping mechanisms (pain coping practices) - especially those that plan for an epidural.
Using pain medication in labor is not a "get out a jail free card" for birth.
Even when planning for an epidural, women still have to cope with natural birth...
- before arriving to the hospital
- throughout triage
- during the admission process
- after the initial request for pain relief
- during the placing of the epidural
- while the epidural is taking effect
Even when the epidural is working most women still feel lots of pressure and discomfort. Some women even report an epidural working only on one side. Or not at all! If that's the case, you will need to know how to cope through a "re-do" of an epidural (or it never working at all).
It is imperative to learn coping mechanisms no matter what type of birth is planned - natural, epidural, cesarean, whatever. Take a quality childbirth class to get you started.
Don't Prepare for Multiple Birth Scenarios
It’s impossible to control a birth experience. You can influence it... but not control it. Even if you have your heart set on a natural, vaginal delivery, It's important to explore other avenues of birth.
If ________ were to happen, what exactly are my preferences?
EX: What are some things you would like to have happen if, for whatever reason, a cesarean birth became your next best thing?
It's important to plan for a cesarean without necessarily expecting one. (Trust me, thinking about preferences for a cesarean birth won't make one more likely to happen.) I believe in you!
Mistakes First Time Moms Make During Labor
Now that we've talked about mistakes first time moms make before labor, let's talk about during labor.
Surprised by the Intensity of Labor
A common thread in the recount of a woman's birth story is that the sensations of labor surprised them. They were shocked at how painful and overwhelming their experience was. They were surprised by how primal the ordeal felt and taken aback at the power that came within themselves.
"Most Western women have never been physically tested until we go through labor and birth. Most of us are fortunate enough to never have gone eighteen or twenty-four hours without food or sleep. Few of us allow ourselves to go a day and night or two days and nights without a bath or shower, without brushing our teeth and doing our hair and makeup. Even fewer of us would allow anyone else to see, smell, or touch us, unwashed, sweat-soaked, naked, oozing mucus, blood, and feces from our nether regions. When faced with the forces of labor, we can't hide the fear, the anxiety, the response to pain. All the inhibitions and trappings of our social selves are peeled away as our bodies thrust and heave, vomit and grunt, cry and leak. The animal is there for everyone to see." Hard Labor, Susan L. Diamond
Most women have never done anything extremely difficult, never been tested beyond their perceived limitations. When it comes time for active labor (never mind coping through transition), they feel that they have been led to believe that labor would be hard, but not this hard.
Because they have no tolerance for pain, have never done something this difficult and because they have not learned coping mechanisms, they are surprised and afraid - which tenses the body and creates more pain. Fear leads to tension which leads to pain... which leads to fear, which leads to tension which leads to more pain.
During pregnancy they tell themselves that women have been doing this for centuries, what's the big deal? They fail to realize that there's more to it than "our ancestors survived and so will I". It's important to prepare ahead of time for childbirth. You can do it!
Go to the Hospital Too Early
A common mistake that first time moms make during labor is that they go to the hospital too early.
Because most women have no real frame of reference for the intensity of normal labor, as soon as they experience signs of labor they assume that what they’re experiencing is hard labor and head on in to the hospital. Some women don't know how far apart contractions should be before heading to the hospital.
Many first time moms get to the hospital during early labor thinking birth will happen at any moment. 24 hours later, they have a baby.
(Second time moms know better, and labor at home as long as possible.)
Do some research, take a good childbirth class and prepare for the intensity of labor. You've got this!
Expect Medical Professionals to Save Them
Because women have not developed coping mechanisms and are at the hospital too early, another one of the mistakes first time moms make during labor is to expect medical professionals to save them.
Here's the scenario:
A first time mom labors at home for a few hours. Her contractions become regular, strong and are about 4-5 minutes apart. Between contractions she seems like her normal self and can carry on a conversation, but during contractions all of her attention is required to maintain her deep slow breathing, which is working for her. Since it seems difficult, and obvious that she's in labor, she heads to the hospital to have a baby. In triage she receives a vaginal exam and is told she's 3, maybe 4 cm dilated. Because of the intensity of the contractions that she is feeling, she is shocked that she is not further along. She quickly jumps ahead in her mind and thinks that if birth is this intense at 3 to 4 cm, there's no way she can do this all the way to 10 cm. And then be expected to push out a baby! She begins to panic and looks for a way out, someone to save her.
When a women finds herself in this situation, instead of looking to herself and her resources, she look for someone (likely her nurse or other care provider) to save her from her experience.
What she has failed to realize that there is no way to save her - no matter what ends up happening. This is something she has to do – whether a natural birth, mediated or a cesarean.
Giving birth is hard! It hurts! But you can do it! I promise!
Submit to the Cascade of Interventions Without Asking Questions
At this point the carefully worded birth plan flies out the window, the seasoned nurses (in their heads) say I told you so and the laboring mother submits to the cascade of interventions without asking questions.
The cascade of interventions is the rapid succession of medical procedures given where one relies on the other, typically for the safety of the mother and baby. For example...
- an epidural requires a bag of fast dripping fluids to prevent a sudden drop in blood pressure and
- constant fetal monitoring to monitor how the baby reacts to the epidural and
- movement is restricted to her bed for safety reasons, and so on.
Because the mother is looking for her care provider to save her, she submits to the cascade of interventions and asks no questions. Instead of being an active participant in how her birth unfolds, she lets the medical professionals make all the decisions. Because of her passivity, she has removed herself from being an active participant in her care.
Unfortunately, this mindset often continues in regards to medical decisions for the baby once it's born.
Second Time Moms Have Wisdom
Second time mothers use their first experiences to activate resources and find solutions to the problems of their first births. These mothers are no longer ignorant, but strive to make wise decisions moving forward.
Finds Her Tribe
First and foremost, a second time mom finds her tribe. A tribe is a group of women that validate her as a person, her experience and hopes for the future. They motivate her to put her boots to the ground and get to work. A tribe helps her become educated about whatever it is that she needs to know. They walk with her on her journey and celebrate who she has become.
A tribe speaks her language. They get her.
A tribe is the missing piece to many women's transformation to motherhood.
(Have you read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth? It's one of the best pregnancy books out there. In the book she describes the effects of women having a tribe - better birth outcomes, to name just one.)
Cherry Picks a Care Provider
Another thing a second time mom does is cherry pick a care provider. Often, when a woman becomes pregnant she stays with the gynecologist she has always used, without researching if this doctor is the best choice for birth. A good gynecologist does not always equal a good obstetrician.
Second time moms poll their community and find a care provider that will best meet their individual needs - which might not be the same needs of a neighbor or co-worker. Sometimes women even fire their OB.
Takes a Good Childbirth Class
I have had many seasoned parents take my regular six week childbirth class because they:
- didn't the first time around and
- want this second birth to go differently.
It's never too late to take a childbirth class!
Cultivates Coping Mechanisms
The second time mom understands that in order to cope through the normal sensations of pain, she has to develop coping mechanisms. These are learned in a Birthing From Within childbirth class, through meditation, an exercise class or even yoga.
Whatever path she chooses to learn resilience, she recognizes how important it is to implement this practice into her daily life.
Hires a Doula
The first time mom relies on nurses, her partner or even the idea that "my grandmother's grandmother survived, so I will too".
The second time mom, however, builds her birth team ensuring she is supported how she so desires. Often, this manifests itself through a doula.
(Doula Match is a great resource for finding a doula in your area.)
Reads Good Books
Another way a second time mom fosters a better birth experience is to read really good pregnancy books, and not rely on mainstream books like What to Expect.
There are many good pregnancy books out there, take your pick! Just please, choose something besides What to Expect. How about Birthing From Within?
Prepares for Multiple Possibilities
It is naive to believe that because you desire a very specific birth scenario, that it will happen exactly as imagined. Second time mothers understand this.
Not only do seasoned parents plan for the birth of their dreams, but they also have a contingency plan (or two). In case plans change, they will have a better idea of what they want or don't want in this new situation.
Many parents prepare for a cesarean birth without expecting one. And at the same time plan for a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC).
Works Through Birth Fears
If preparing for a cesarean birth without expecting one sense shivers up your spine, you may have some birth tigers (fears) to work through.
The best way I know how to work through these issues is to take a Birthing From Within childbirth class. Make sure to request the instructor to lead you through a "birth tiger safari".
This exercise is wildly popular in my area, and one of the big reasons women take my class over other classes.
Labors at Home
Finally, to avoid the mistakes first time moms make before and during labor, second time moms learn how to labor at home as long as possible (without having a car baby!).
For the right person, laboring at home will decrease pain and make a more pleasurable birth experience.
7 Mistakes First Time Moms Make Before and During Labor
To recap, here are the 7 mistakes first time moms make before and during labor.
- Doubt Ability to Cope Through Labor
- Fail to Learn Coping Mechanisms (Even If Planning for an Epidural)
- Fail to Prepare for Multiple Birth Scenarios
- Surprised by the Intensity of Labor
- Go to the Hospital Too Early
- Expect Medical Professionals to Save Them
- Submit to the Cascade of Interventions Without Asking Questions
What are your thoughts about these mistakes first time moms make before and during labor?
Leave me a comment and let me know what you think.
Wow Lindsey, this is a beautifully written post! Something every first time mom should read. I have seen so many of the examples you give hinder friends from having a positive birth experience, particularly not laboring at home long enough and believing someone else will save them. I think too many a well-meaning mother and husband will encourage a new mother to "just take the epidural" when she needs just a little extra encouragement to make it through. And I totally agree - Birthing From Within is an amazing guide. It's what got me through my first birth, all natural at a hospital with a doctor that claimed "all her patients take the epidural."
Many Blessings!
Lisa
Thank you Lisa! I'm really happy it resonated with you.
I really enjoyed this blog. The part about second time mothers literally described my situation. After having what felt like the most out of my control first birth and none of my intentions being recognised or taken seriously, I did some serious research into care providers. I cannot believe how much ignorance and judgement is placed on women for wanting to be listened to about their birth preferences. I was literally scoffed at and told birth is unpredictable and out of your control so to not plan to carefully what I wanted by my original OB. I am currently 33 weeks pregnant and have gone with a private midwifery Centre for the birth of my second and I feel so much more accepted and comfortable. No matter how my labour goes I know that I have options and support. Keep fighting the good fight. Women need to know these things.
I needed to read this! Thank you for posting this. I am a first time mom at 35 weeks but have been in preterm early labor for a few days and have been monitored closely. I am so tired of people telling me to go "the easy way out" when I feel that I am strong enough to do this. This was the extra motivation that I needed! I will definitely be sharing with my friends.
This made me smile!! You got this!
Great post! I am a first timer too.. and I'm due next week! My husband has been extremely encouraging after telling him I'm putting my best efforts into having natural and non medicated birth. He would always remind me that i am stronger when I seem weak some days carrying my belly. it's so important to surround yourself with positive people that knows what you want and will help in any way to achieve it! Sometimes I sit here and have doubts but I know deep down I'm capable! This was an extra motivation so thanks for posting! Definitely the extra affirmation I needed!
You can do it!!!
The scenario about going to the hospital too early happened with my third baby, surprisingly. I was in labor for 12 hours before I decided it was time. They were 3 minutes apart and I could't talk or sleep through them. I arrived and was only a 2! In fact, I was told i wasn't even in labor. I felt so much doubt about myself that I basically just thought I was being a wimp. And really, I did arrive far too early. But I had given birth before without medication (much quicker too ) and I was still taken aback by the intensity of the pain.
I labored at home all day and night for another 18 hours. And the intensity pretty much stayed the same. And instead of getting closer together they got further apart. And then I was so exhausted and doubtful that I barely realized it was getting worse and had no idea they were closer together. The fact that this was the real deal was far from my mind. I didn't have a single thought about the hospital.
Then the moaning woke my husband. And he told me my contractions were 2 minutes apart and it was time to go. But it was too late! I gave birth in the kitchen! I didn't even consciously push. In fact, I tried not to, lol. Didn't work.
It really was primal and instintual and I was so far into it I wasn't scared at all. But I still can't believe I had so much doubt in my mind about myself, my judgement, and my abilities that I made it even through transition thinking I was just a wimp.
Those third babies!!! They always like to pull the carpet out from under our toes. Here's my story: https://www.motherrisingbirth.com/2015/07/homebirthhospital.html
While I think this is a great topic to discuss and one that's needs to be more common, I find the tone of the article a bit ... judgy. To say that trusting the medical advice of your physician during labour (a time when really I won't have the energy or will to do some off the cuff reasearch of my own) makes you passive in the birthing experience seems downright condescending. I did my research AHEAD of time, I found a physician who I felt had good judgment and wanted what's best for me, my child, and my birth plan. It isn't passive to trust in their knowledge, it's passive to firmly disagree with something and let it happen anyway. being a second time mom doesn't make you any less foolish, just more prepared for the reality that faces you.
As I said, it's a fantastic topic for discussion, with many point I wish I had known earlier in my life as well! I just think it's very one sided.
This entire article sounded VERY judgemental. Find me a single woman that is prepared for the intensity, pain, and exhaustion of labour. You can give advice and helpful hints without sounding like a jerk. And when it comes to the "getting to the hospital too early," telling a woman that she's essentially too dumb to know when to go to the hospital, so she should just wait is dangerous. It's better to be at a hospital in case something goes wrong than to be afraid you're going in too early and increase your risk. Also, the "Second Time Moms are Less Foolish" is just an asshole move. Women have been giving birth for as long as women have existed without reading this rude blog post.
I agree! How about some advice on what to do? You offer no solutions to these "mistakes". What coping mechanisms can you suggest?
Hey Corynne. Thanks for commenting! I realize the tone of this article has put off many women, but I hope that my positive intentions shine through. I really want women to have amazing birth experiences. I think the advice given described in what second time moms do, if a woman followed those things, she would be on a much better path. Thanks for hearing me out.
But your still imposing your idea of what that path should be. I understand your trying to help women make informed choices and have a more positive birthing experience, and that's wonderful! But in doing so you have to respect that not everyone's choices/journey will align with what YOU think birth should be. That's what is putting me off about the article at least, and it would seem a few others as well.
Also using language like "mistakes" and "less foolish" doesn't help your cause either.
Hey Dia. I get what you're saying. And obviously, you're free to disagree with me. I work with so many mothers that WISH they knew this information before they had their first baby. I am hoping that the strong words "mistakes" and "foolish" will wake up a few women to do research, question the "norm" and make choices for themselves. I don't really care what they choose, I just wish they would do the research and make informed decisions. So often women just go along with whatever comes to them. After birth they look back on their experience and know that something was wrong. If I am offensive, I'm sorry... really. Read some of my other articles and you'll get a better sense of who I am. 🙂
Did you read the article? The second half is suggestions on what to do...
I'm a FTM at 38 weeks. This was incredibly unhelpful and condescending. You criticize first time moms for not knowing how much birth is going to hurt....How on earth am I supposed to anticipate how having a baby feels? You also mocked women for going to the hospital too early. WTF is the point of that? Besides shaming women who have never done this before. You listed a bunch of judgemental stereotypes about FTMs and offered no advice on how to not make those mistakes. I came away from this article feeling inept because you set up ridiculously high standards that are impossible for a FTM to meet. You basically said "It hurts really bad, but you can do it, and you better do it without drugs, or your weak." Ummm thanks....super helpful. This is why women go the epidural route and skip the judgy, preachy, crunchy, doula route. I much prefer my doctor who listens to my concerns and doesn't make me feel like a failure for not wanting to make birth into some bizarre contest. For me the point of giving birth is meeting my baby as safely and comfortably as possible, not winning the who suffered the most prize.
Well said 100% agree! The lady who wrote this can do one! What a knob
This is pretty uncalled for. I am a first time mom (39 weeks) and have done many of the things "second time moms" do. I trust my body more than ANY doctor. I think you're missing the point. The point is if you want a natural birth, and didn't have a good experience the first time, she is giving suggestions on how to correct that. (And for the people saying she's not offering suggestions on how to correct them, are you even reading the article? The second half is suggestions...) The key is educating yourself...not blindly following ANYONE's advice. I don't care how experienced a professional is or how many letters are behind his/her name. I am the expert on my body and it's up to me to advocate for it.
Agreed. Very rude, and one sided post.
Hmmm well what a nice way to make women who don't do all the things you suggest feel inadequate. How empowering! Everyone experiences labour differently it is an extremely unique experience it can be wonderful and magical and it can also be stressful and traumatic. What an extremely patronising article! And that's me being polite.
I read this article feeling slightly offended and then soon realised that there is some truth in what you say here. As a first time mum I believed in my ability to birth my baby not from experience but from the belief that my body knows what to do and that I should trust it. I had a very healthy pregnancy and planned a home birth that couldn't have gone better. You may say how lucky I am and how fortunate I have been. However I made it my life's ambition during my pregnancy to do everything I possibly could to make sure my baby was born naturally and drug free. That was so important to my husband and I. I am the only one out of the 14 other women that i met during pregnancy at Antenatal classes that planned a home birth. Mainly because it meant that there was less likely to be intervention. I did pregnancy yoga and looked after my body and my mind together to focus on birth affirmations and trusted that my body could birth my baby. Just as my mother had done and her mother before that. Sure some women do have complications and they need to be taken seriously and addressed and a plan put into place. I agree that most women nowadays do not trust themselves to get through it. Alot of fear is created around childbirth. This article does indeed have some truth that many of 1st time mums feel cheated however there are also first time mums that trust themselves too and believe in their birthing ability. They are certainly not any better than the others they just have more knowledge of the possibilities and surround themselves with people that believe that too.
I agree it is hard for the first-time mom to be pepared for what they will or may need to go through during labor - just as for what they don't need to go through but are likely to be forced to. (Because "my doctor who listens to my concerns" is a very rare phenomenon!) You know, I'd also much prefer my doctor who listens to my concerns... but even if he exists, you at least have to figure out what your concerns are, and many first-time moms don't have an idea, I think that's what the author meant to say. They just blindly trust their doctor to know better, or to explain everything that happens in the process...and why this and that is going to be done... and when this doesn't occur, they feel cheated, disregarded, traumatized. They certainly expect the doctor to respect the fact that everyone "experiences labour differently", and to do everything for the woman "meeting baby as safely and comfortably as possible", but what they face at the hospital is routine things done to everyone so that it is more convenient and less time-consuming for the doctors and other staff. That hurts so deep, worse than contractions, cuts, tears, stitches, and suchlike! In my opinion, that's the real intensity of labor which is excruciating and depressing if you are not aware that this is likely to happen. Yes, the hospital staff is likely to eagerly put a lot more stress, suffering and pain on your shoulders (as if you didn't have more than enough already, huh?) just so that they will need to do less work! That just kills me. I trusted my doctor blindly like that with my first labour, especially because she was a friend of the family - so how couldn't I? It was a nightmare, and she hasn't done anything to make it easier, or less scary, or less traumatizing, and she hasn't done anything to prevent other staff from doing what they usually do to deal with you as soon as possible - though she certainly could have, just hasn't bothered to. How's that? I was ordered to push when dilated, though I didn't yet feel any urge to push, and then they started to literally squeeze the baby out of me by pressing on my belly with two pairs of hands, because they thought I wasn't pushing effectively enough! I wonder how my uterus just didn't tear apart because of that - but it definitely felt like that was happening, and I'd much prefer to have died right there instead of going through this. Though they didn't use forceps or extractors, they still decided I needed an episiotomy (why?). The baby was born with a huge swollen bruise all over his head and a broken collar bone, but that's no big deal, right? Especially as compared to the option of simply giving me a break and waiting for me to feel an actual urge to push, or putting me in a different position other than laying on my back, if it didn't work the way they expected it to work fast and easy (again, why, with first-time labor?) I had no complications or twisted cord or anything that would justify any need for urgency. The hospital staff hates to wait and is eager to do everything to speed up your labor instead of letting it proceed naturally, hence going to the hospital too early is not that much of a mistake as of a huge risk if you don't know your options well and aren't ready to stand your ground and make your concerns indeed respected. A risk of interventions that are not only unnecessary but also dangerous, of being told that something is taking too long\progressing not as fast or smooth as it should, so you need "help" to save the situation (which doesn't need to be saved), a risk of undergoing/experiencing what is more convenient for the staff, not for you. This is brutal truth, and of course nobody is going to like the way it sounds. But I hate the kind of articles that paint reality in pink hues and say that contractions feel like menstrual cramps. Of course we can't blame anyone but ourselves for not doing proper research in advance, but it's useless to blame ourselves after, when we can't do or change anything - though it happens, too, and this portion of guilt is certainly not what you need or can deal with easily. I can't say that I totally dislike articles that say "no matter what hell you had to go through while giving birth, it's over anyway and soon the only thing you'll feel is happiness when holding your bundle of joy" It may be so, but unfortunately quite often it isn't.
Hey Natalie, thank you for sharing your story and helping me communicate my positive intentions. I appreciate you!
Your comments was one of those battle stories that new moms don't need to read. Why did you get pregnant in the first place?
I am a first time mother and find this to be very rude and demeaning. To say that all of us first time Mother's make the same seven mistakes is very rude. I read the entire thing. We are first-time mothers of course we should make some mistakes. Some of these are completely normal. No one is going to be completely prepared to shove a human from their vagina. Now in this day and age we are not tested physically. Were you tested the first time you had a child and knew the excruciating pain you were about to go through? If you were props to you but for most people were not. I think all of these things are to be expected. Of course for a second time mother you're going to be a hundred if not a thousand times better prepared because you'll have known what to expect. Not say I don't agree with some of the things that were said. We do need coping mechanisms and we need to ask questions. I think you could have gone about this a completely different way and maybe not called us all foolish.
I agree that women should learn to cope and accept pain but honestly i feel as though first time mums are being shaded whilst second time mums are being praised. I mean second time mums only do it right because they have experienced birth before and have a higher chance on improving than first time mums, its not that first time mums can't cope it's that its normal to experience overwhelming pain that you have never thought of why make requesting for an epidural a bad thing as though your a failure or you couldn't. There's a certain amount of pain a human can take so is a burning person. Yes you can make it but its not a mistake to ask for pain relief no human deserves to feel that way naturally.
Thank you
You seriously think women just need to learn to cope with labor pain? Wtf lmao. I have severe chronic pain even before i had my first child so yeah im not just going to suck it up like you are saying. Being in severe pain 24/7 is enough for me. And fyi the pain my chronic illness causes is equivilent to being in active labor except it never goes away. Epidurals were made for a reason and btw they actually speed up your labor. I know what im talking about considering i was a labor and delivery nurse for 3 years before i went back to work i the ER. Women like you act like theu are so far above any other moms jist because they have birth without any pain relief. Guess what? Your not. To the first time moms if you dont wont to deal with severe labor pain then dont, take the epidural or pain meds. You dont get a medal or award just bc you did it natural, and it certainly doesnt make ypu better than anyone else.
Oh and you seem too insensitive i wouldn't attend your birthing classes. Learn to understand on a human level...instead of criticising please provide PRACTICAL solutions and i mean practical not the "first time mums are foolish " etcetera.
Ok
I agree that this just seems judgemental. To even use the word 'foolish' is, well... foolish! I don't want to be talked down to and be told I'm basically stupid. I wouldn't go near your classes unless I wanted to feel like a failure.